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Attachment Theory - The Basics

As stated by Wikipedia, the attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans. It refers to the fact that the way you attach to others as an adult corresponds directly to the way you attached to others as a kid. Do you know what your attachment style is? Let's find out.

There are 4 main attachment styles.
  1. Secure
  2. Anxious
  3. Avoidant
  4. Disorganised

1) Secure

  • Trusts people really easily
  • Comfortable with emotions and is self confident
  • Can communicate what upsets them directly to the person
  • Able to seek support from partner
  • Interested in responding to others.

2) Anxious

  • Interested in what others want
  • Sensitive nervous system
  • Struggles communicating directly
  • Does regrettable things when triggered
  • Lack of nurturing

3) Avoidant

  • Likes being isolated
  • Emotionally distant with everyone
  • Self-reliant usually
  • Subconsciously believes that their needs won't be met
  • View themselves as unlovable

4) Disorganised

  • Has low self esteem
  • More dependent in a relationship than avoidant
  • Strongly fears failure and and rejection
  • Has high anxiety in relationships and usually in general
  • Highly emotional

These patterns are passed down from generation to generation. We learn how to connect from parents and in turn teach the future generations. However, it really depends on how you deal with the environment you are given. Of course with hard work, you can change your nurturing style and provide a better childhood to your kids.

Are you part of any of these styles? Write it in the comments below. Good luck!

Image by skalekar1992 from Pixabay


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